Forgiving Is Not What You Thought
Have you ever the feeling that the last thing you would want to do on this planet is to forgive someone that did you wrong? Someone that harmed you and made you feel insignificant, or has offended you and hurt your feelings? You may have this fear that if you forgive this person somehow, they are off the hook or you will need to accept that what they did to you is alright.
Yes, I know this feeling and believe me when I say that not only did I completely disapprove of forgiving, but I would take things even further and take revenge. Revenge is more than poison, I soon found out. Keeping these strong negative feelings inside of me would only feed a hatred that would control me completely. I was not a free person anymore.
We tend to believe that if we keep these negative feelings, the other person will be punished, in a way. It does not make sense at all, but we still do it. However, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person.
Yes, you read it well. It has nothing to do with anything and anyone from your exterior. It has only to do with you. You need to talk to yourself and agree whether you forgive yourself for allowing the other person to treat you wrong.
You may have not expected this outcome. I know it shocked me too. But think about it a bit:
- The way you react to the exterior depends on you only
- The way you deal with a relationship and the decisions you make depends on… you, again
- How you allow other people to treat you or not treat you, is all up to… you. That’s right.
However, please understand the following:
- You did your best, back then, with the resources you had handy. If you could have done more, you would have done more, for sure. I know you feel the same way.
Yes, after that experience, even 5 minutes after, I know you began to create tens of scenarios in your mind that you could have done this and that, all different. Right? Wrong! You can’t change the past and you don’t need to. You need to take it easy on yourself, be loving, gentle and caring towards yourself, as you would be with a great loving friend.
The recipe to forgive? Forgive yourself by knowing that you will for sure do better next time. And I promise you, you will know better. You learn from this experience and you become wiser, more careful with yourself and your needs, you’ll set up the right boundaries for you and you’ll do nothing else than offer yourself the respect that you deserve by doing all these new things mentioned above.
Start the New Year with a fresh heart. With no sign of fear. Your ego may say that you are too soft! Why let go something that hurt you so bad without getting an excuse, at least?
And now I step in and say: Why continue to keep inside of you something that no longer serves you?
Here’s to a loving, forgiving heart, towards yourself! Let me know if you want to talk more about this.